Realizations

So here we are, 12 weeks pregnant. I'm excited. I'm nervous. And now, I'm just trying to figure out the next couple weeks. For starters, we've told the family and everyone is excited. The question now, who is on the NEXT list? And given that Darden Reunion is Apr 24th, it ought to be Facebook official by then. Of course, when do I tell work? I feel I'm showing likely more than I am. My body doesn't feel like mine. I have been the same size, shape, weight and height since about 16. I still fit in my old prom dresses. So this new world, is weird. I am not comfortable in my clothes and not because they're tight or pulling, simply because everything feels different. I fidget more than I used to and often wonder if people notice. Maybe I'm just being self-conscious. Yesterday, I talked with a colleague in HR to ask about our maternity leave policy. I had asked early on during my search to the recruiter, assuming I'd be here for a while. Her response was, does it really matter, the state covers most of the benefit. Turns out, it does matter. I'm learning that "unlimited vacation" has it's limitations. If the state only covers a portion of my leave, I don't have PTO/ sick days to put towards making me whole. I'm not 100% sure this is correct, but it's a theory. I have decided I need to speak with the HR leader in charge of benefits. What I can't decide is whether I do that before or after I talk with my manager.

Breaking News

Yesterday, I started thinking. It's been a while. I couldn't remember the exact timing, but thankfully had marked the calendar previously. Yep, definitely late. I wondered and yet already knew.

Our taco dinner was almost ready and my husband, who is training for a bachelor party, went to grab something from the beer fridge. It wouldn't have seemed weird if I declined. In the back of my mind, I knew and I accepted that this may be my last adult beverage for a while. As a beer lover and wine enthusiast, I embraced not knowing for one last night.

Wednesday morning arrived and I had it planned. I was going to take the test. It didn't surprise me when it returned with 2 blue lines indicating pregnant. Yet knowing seemed surreal. He was still fast asleep and before saying anything, I opted to continue my morning routine. I woke him and asked that he come hither. He protested and so I walked over and showed him why I asked. The first 12 weeks are the most delicate, so I tried to tell him not to get too excited. I didn't exactly know how to wrap my head around everything. We were taking the approach of, if it happens, great and if not, ok. I never wanted to be consumed with the idea and the trying. Here we were and it all seemed to work.

I arrived at work early and immediately went to babycenter.com. I was quite familiar with the concept and in 15 minutes learned more than I knew the day before. I waited, impatiently, for 9am and quickly called the doctor for an appointment. The questions race through my head and I find myself completely distracted today. I know there are steps from here and they'll come in time. Where does one start? And of course, when do you tell your parents?!?

It's a whole new world and all I want to do right now is sleep. My conference packed weekend was fun and tiring.

2010 - Graduated Darden
2011 - Engaged
2012 - Married
2013 - Purchased a House
2014 - Got a Puppy
2015 - Baby

I guess it fits.

Nerd Alert

First and foremost, it's been a while not that I have to tell you that. In the last 7 months, I have enjoyed being a proud owner of an amazing puppy, started my Board position for the Junior League Palo Alto-Mid Peninsula and switched jobs (role and company). It's been a wild ride, but I am finally hitting my stride. More on all that later...

Today, I write on the power of Excel shortcut keys. If you haven't realize this, I'm an absolute Excel junkie. I love building models and making data work for me. In an effort to not only be ergonomic, but also be able to maneuver quickly through a spreadsheet, I tasked myself with learning some shortcuts during my summer internship at Darden. This has served me well over the years however I came across this infographic that had a couple basic shortcuts that I didn't know well. I've shared these with my team and again am working towards using the mouse less and the keyboard more. Check it out!

Courtesy of https://filtered.com.

Growing Up

What do you want to be when you grow up? My mom always jokingly tells me that at 60, she's still not sure. While that seems somewhat comforting, I seem to be struggling with that very question. My pet peeves are poking their head up constantly in my day to day work. I love numbers. I enjoy finance, but I am starting to wonder, is there something else that I am supposed to do. Is there something else that would motivate me and excite me to go to work daily? As an MBA, you would think that I would know the answer to this question. However, I think business school actually opened my eyes more to the variety of careers and decisions you can make about what the future holds.

Riley

Riley is officially 1 week past 4 months! She's cute, she's cuddly and she basically reminds me of a teddy bear. I'm not sure what took me so long to decide that I needed a four-legged friend to greet me at the door upon my arrival home. She's the perfect greeter. Her whole body wiggles as she brushes against you for some much deserved pets. Even after a rough day, like yesterday, you instantly feel better.

That said, now I want to take her EVERYWHERE!

The Aftermath

The stuff is gone. The door is pending replacement glass. And the insurance company has been notified. Now the painful fun begins. The insurance company wants a catalog of everything I owned including description, date purchased/received, replacement value and if possible, photo/receipt. I listed 65 items and every so often, I remember another. I'm sorting through an incredible amount of digital photos. I'm now in 2006 and started in 2001. I feel like I've spent all day entering information and the last couple days trying to remember it all. Some of the pieces that were stolen were from middle and high school. There are a handful that haven't been worn since then. On top of which, watches, bracelets and rings are incredibly hard to see in photos.

We're not quite sure what this does to our holiday plans. We were supposed to leave today to visit my husband's family. Instead, we're here until at least tomorrow when the glass should be repaired. The question then is do we drive south or do we stay here? We have 3 days open and the roundtrip drive is at least 12 hours. Are we insane? There again, can you put a limit on family time? I am fortunate enough to live very close to mine. We often enjoy Sunday dinners with my mom and see my grandmother on a periodic basis. While he defends that we saw his parents at Thanksgiving and his Aunt/Nanna in November, I feel selfish at times that we are so close in proximity to my family. Yet, I'm not sure I'm ready to leave this place.

Violated

The last 27 hours are ones that I'd like to forget. It was any other day except the fact that we left work at a reasonable 5p to attempt some Christmas shopping. The phone rang and perplexed, my husband answered it. The alarm had been triggered. We looked at each other blankly and repeated into the handset that it wasn't us and they could freely dispatch the police. The drive home was silent. Both of our minds racing, wondering, what happened, was it anything, did something happen? The phone rang again, broken glass was found and the police were at the house. Someone would be waiting for us. We sat in traffic, knowing the drive would be no shorter than 30 minutes. The radio was so low that it might as well have been off.

My head raced. I knew my jewelry was not as secure as it could be. The safe that we had talked about for months never seemed to get purchased. To no ones fault. Somehow I knew. We arrived, jumped out of the car and ran inside. I quickly ran to my spot and sure enough 100% empty. Memories, feelings, beauty and it was all gone. Somehow after years of moving items from childhood and having never lost a piece myself, they were all gone in that instant.

I keep reminding myself that it's just stuff and that's the truth. It can be replaced. Maybe not that same piece from India or the random piece I bought in Brazil after thinking we could take a "free" ride to the jewelry store. But in time, there will be other meanings and other pieces. I still have the most important thing in my world, my husband. We're both safe, healthy and can get through this.

After that moment, we tried to understand the flow, the logic. We tried to reign our minds in to comprehend and ask the necessary questions.

The glass was everywhere, shattered. Pieces kept falling and with each sound, you tense. What is it? What does it want from me? I pace around the house, looking for something else to be out of place. It all seems too familiar and yet, so foreign.

The aftermath continues. The specks of glass don't come up as quickly as I'd like. I fear that we'll be finding them for months to come. While I work on each inch, I see the floor sparkle and all I know is that I missed something. I'm not sure how much or even how to rid the floor, couch, furniture and everything else of that taunting sparkle.

This is just the beginning. I slowly push my mind to remember every piece of jewelry that I once owned. What's unique? Is there something that could trigger an arrest?

I just try to hold myself together. The mind plays tricks on me. You look into the dark, expecting something to appear out of the shadows. I'm not sure if it's relief or more fear when nothing does.

I often feel that I can't explain my thoughts, my feelings, me. Violation is the perfect word. We thought we prepared the house. We thought the precautions were in place. And somehow, it only partially helped. What did we do wrong?