So many times I start posts in my head, only to have them fade as memories. I craft the first two to three lines that would then develop into a whole post. However, lately, I can't seem to take the moment to write. Half the time, I'm on the bus and can't be bothered with the small keyboard on my phone. The other half the time, I'm at work, which of course means everything is blocked. I understand the philosophy of why sites are blocked including privacy and security risks, but personally I have found that I don't get the release I need to refocus on work.
At Darden, I spent hours studying. Every so often I would hit a brick wall, take ten minutes to write a post and quickly return to studying, feeling refreshed. I don't typically classify myself as a stressed person. Recently, I've been feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. It is a very exciting time in my life as I plan a wedding. Yet, my family life is crumbing before my eyes and I don't know what to make of it. I feel helpless on so many levels. It's awkward. It's frustrating. Everything I have known for the last 30 years (almost) has been turned on its head. Wedding planning, which should be exciting, adds to the frustration. I contemplate a wedding planner. Granted, a wedding planner doesn't pick your gown and bridesmaids dresses, which seems to be the real struggle these days.
This past weekend we headed back to San Francisco for our engagement party. Slowly, we tried to curtail the questions by mentally preparing people. Of course, that doesn't ensure that sensitive topics don't arise. It's inevitable that someone mentions something. I'm hoping going forward that we can focus on the happiness of the moment. (And in exciting news, I think we found photographer!) We'll see.