Hump Day Joke

Put a smile on your face it is Wednesday!!

Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared
for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness, a grandmother, elderly woman to the stand. He
approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big
shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your
wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to
approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of
you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in
jail for contempt."

Going out...with mom..?

In college it was guarenteed that I would be out 3 nights every weekend. Heck according to my friends and I, our weekend was 3 nights! Thursday was probably the most popular day to party. Fridays I think we tended to take it the lightest, but even when we were taking it easy, you probably wouldn't have been able to tell.

Last night, as I lay in bed, almost ready to fall asleep at 20 before 10 pm, mom called. She had gone out to dinner for a girls night out. She told me to get out of bed and come down to the club/bar they were at and go dancing. Sure enough, at Mom's request, I got up, tossed something decent on and went dancing. It was so funny. Mom and her friends are lookin at Crystal and I and asking if we would give them lessons on dancing. LOL

Some dude, who seemed to be some sort of manager there, came up and asked where I had learned to dance. Then he told me that my friends (referring to mom and hers) and I should come out to some club in the ciity and he would give us free passes. I am not sure if he seriously thought we were all friends or if he was trying to be nice. Needless to say it was entertaining.

So now it is 7:30 am and I am at work. I am known to be able to stay up as late as I want and still be able to function during the day. Although I may be functioning, it is quite slow and a little off. I feel old and I am only 22!

Mom joked that her and her friends are going to start coming out with my friends and I. Then she said we would rent a limo so that my girls and I could get drunk. I think I may just have to take her up on that offer. Aren't moms the best, at least mine is.

I know this is random, but it is early, I am tired, it is Friday, and I don't seem to have any focus.


TGIF!! HAPPY FRIDAY!

Welcome Home...

Good Morning and welcome back to the real world. There is something about getting up at 5:30 am that isn’t just wrong, but it reminds you that the weekend is over, and Monday has come all over again. Although I spent most of yesterday sleeping and recovering from another crazy weekend, my eyes feel heavy and a day of rest is all I could ask for, however I guess that will have to wait until next Sunday.

I think the best thing about going on vacation is coming home. After two long weekends, one in Colorado and the other in Las Vegas, it is good to be back in California and know that I will be staying home this weekend.

Labor Day weekend I took off to Colorado for the CU v. CSU game as well as my friend Christine’s B-day, and visiting as many people as possible in 3 days. On a Friday when you get up at 5:30 am and work 8 hours, going out that night as much fun as it is, wears you down. Then of course you have to get moving Saturday morning to get from Denver to Boulder, hitting football traffic 5 hours before the game, only to shower and start drinking at 3 pm. We were late to the game because we were still in the bar taking shots. Ran to my girl’s house at halftime to chug a beer and return to the stadium after the 3rd quarter had already started. Surprisingly enough, Colorado won the game, fuck em up fuck em up, GO CU! (They also won this past weekend v. WSU!!!) Of course what do you do after the home team has won a football game? You skip dinner, continue on your liquid diet and go out partying for the night… 11 hours after I started drinking we all made it back to my best friend’s house to wind down the night. (Sorry Hawk, Linds and I stole your bed)

Sunday was a little mellower, breakfast at noon and a nap for the afternoon. Dinner at the Walnut Brewery and out to the bars again. Although I didn’t drink too much after Saturday s binge and Friday night’s craziness, I should have said no to all alcohol.

We finished up the weekend with lounging on the couch all day Monday only to make an evening flight out of Colorado and return to California @ 10:30 pm.

A short 4 day week made the blurs of Colorado fade away and the adventures of another drinking packed weekend come to light... Crystal and I were off to VEGAS! City of Sin… Our flight seemed to be the longest short hour possible. Crystal was inquiring to why the young man next to us was going to Vegas. In the beginning he seemed nice, but as the trip went on, he seemed to get annoyed the she was asking too many questions, and not the “right ones”. Oh well! After finally arriving in Vegas we spent 30 min talking in the airport to some random people that were on our flight. We made it to the hotel, dinner, and ready to go out @ 10 pm. We danced at Studio 54 @ MGM for a good 5 hours… Left there @ 4 am with a group of boys ranging in ages from 23 -32. Still playing quarters @ 5 am. At which time the future wife to be calls her honey to make sure he is being good. Girls – NEVER call your fiancé on his bachelor party. It is his last weekend of craziness with the boys. And if you don’t trust him, why the hell are you marrying him! After enough drnking, we decided to make our way back to the hotel. Crystal was quite confused as weather to say good morning or good night. We tried to make friends with the guys still playing craps, but they weren’t entertained at 7 am. It wasn’t because they were cute or anything, we just figured they didn’t look like they had been to bed either. This is what Vegas is all about!

After getting a good solid 6 hours of sleep in our COMFY beds, it was time to get moving again. We walked along the strip for a couple hours, had lunch, which ended up being dinner and finally returned to the hotel again for some football. (had to see if my Buffs won) Crystal napped for an hour while I watched football, then it was time to get up and get ready for the final night in Vegas. We had decided we were going to check out rain (of course I have been there now 4 times, but it was Crystal’s 1st). We got in line and started to drink, the only problem was by this point I was starving again. The club was packed and the music was GREAT! We turned in a little early seeing that our flight was at 9:50 am. I still think we were up until 4 or 5 am though. LOL

Sunday morning! I have never seen an airport quite like this on a random weekend. Everyone was leaving! Lines were long and it was HURRY UP and WAIT! We arrived at the airport and hour and a half prior to our flight, finally getting to the gate as the flight was boarding group A. That was close! Arriving home, mom picked us up and made us pancakes!! (Mom is the BEST!) I started to watch the 49ers and dozed off while I realized what a horribly ugly game it was going to be. Slept for most of the day, then most of the night. It is soo good to bed home and next weekend, I am not going ANYWHERE !!! Thank goodness, I don’t think I would be able to survive another weekend. Soccer starts this coming weekend and I can’t wait.

Back to work, hope everybody has a GREAT week!

Couple notes:
Jay – I hope you found Miss Joey and I hope Miss Joey had a wonderful BIRTHDAY!!
Crystal – Thanks for coming with me!!
Lindsey – Thank you for being such a great host, but you are a horrible drunk dial… lol

Fun Questions

Fun Questions!

Make ya deal.. you do it for me, and I will fill it out for you...

FOR FRIENDS! (fill it out)

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. Do you have a crush on me?

5. Would you kiss me?

6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

7. Describe me in one word.

8. What was your first impression?

9. Do you still think that way about me now?

10. What reminds you of me?

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?

12. How well do you know me?

13. When's the last time you saw me?

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?