The New Name

I started another post, got sidetracked and decided to finish it later. It became so much more complicated than what I had originally intended. I'm waiting for my sudo Monte Carlo analysis to run, which means that I can't touch Excel for the 2-5 minutes or however long the program decides it needs to finish my 1100 iterations. In that short break, I popped open my email and as I scanned the Gmail headers of to and from, I noticed something that made me laugh - the new last name.

Most people immediately change their name on FB when they get married. I have definitely had a couple of double takes, thinking WHO IS ....? Oh yeah. That's their new name. Needless to say, I didn't. There was no real reason why I should or shouldn't and it just seemed like a lot of work after planning a wedding.

I received my new social security card recently and subsequently all the questions started flowing. What should the signature look like? Am I going to remember to respond when people call me using my new last name? Is work going to be able to do a clean sweep when they change over my name? (My current email and login are associated with my old last name!) I have had the same name for 30 years and now I have to remember a new name. That said, I never had a middle name and subsequently, I've just moved around some things so that now I have the longest name ever! While I do think there's something said for not going through the name change process. I also think there's an element of traditionalism that I like about the change. I know that addressing invites to people with different last names was an interesting.

I suppose I should get used to seeing the new name! DMV on Nov 1 to change my license. Then it's onto everything else.

Honesty?

This post was written many months ago:

You are a second year and the harsh reality is that for one reason or another, you did not land your initial dream job during the general on-grounds recruiting process. The search is not over and while there are still jobs being posted internally, it does not feel the same as having companies interview in campus. All of a sudden your world shifts, so you are investigating companies you almost didn't know existed two months ago. Per the usual dog and pony, you reach out to alums, looking for vision, insight, and most importantly, an inside track.

As an alum, this is where I'm put into a predicament. My company recruited for most-MBA positions and has already completed offers. The harsh reality is that what's left are general company positions, looking for some sort of specific experience. If you have it, great. If you don't, I'm not sure what to tell you. Is it my place to tell you not to waste your time? Is this something that I would have wanted to hear as a candidate? Or do I offer to help the best that I can because I do believe in my alma mater and the alumni or future alumni? It's hard because you don't want to kill the dreams of those looking for a future. However, I know how much I desprise writing cover letters and I have to imagine others feel the same.

The fact that you didn't initially receive an offer does not concern me. I have plenty of talented classmates who for one reason or another were still loooking for positions after graduation. Some people don't interview well. Some are simply found on the short end of the stick. Whatever the reason, I just wonder what my place is.

The Fallen

I woke up early this morning because it was my first time sending out the weekly sales summary for which I am responsible. I figured I'd get into the office early to ensure I had plenty of time to make a couple mistakes before it was complete. Today, felt like just another Monday.


Tomorrow is my one month anniversary of being married. My social security docs went into the mail today to change my name. On Thursday, my committee is putting on the first Training Event that I have been able to attend. It's the everyday life, day in and day out.

I turn my phone off on most mornings so that I'm not tempted to check it on a regular basis. At some point before lunch is normally when I give it life again. In a strange turn of events, life was the exact subject of a text I received.

Ronnie was my best friend my senior year in high school. We spent hours on the phone every night. He often told me that I wasn't good for his sleeping schedule, but we'd talk through the wee hours of the morning anyhow. He had a temper and would occasionally put large holes in his parents’ house. We made a pact that he would call me before making any new holes. If at the end of our conversation he felt the need to hit the wall, he could. Together, we saved a number of walls. There was no romantic spark from my end. I was graduating and moving to Colorado for school and wanted nothing to hold me back. I introduced him to my best female friend and encouraged the two of them to get to know each other. Six years later, they broke up. We drifted as he had a new center of attention. But at the same time, there are friends you see and never skip a beat. Our paths separated as I left the Bay Area and he chose a different life's path. Through social media, I’ve been able to keep up with him…

That text was to inform me that he died last night of a drug overdose. At first, all the what ifs flashed through my mind. Then there were the memories that stood out, as real as yesterday. Finally, I found myself with a sense of bewilderment. What do you say? He was 32 years old, not much older than me. I see a life ahead of me and he seemed to see nothing. How does that happen? Accidental? On purpose? You just wonder. He's joined those who died too young and yet maybe he's just in a better place.

When I first saw the text, I didn’t believe it. I immediately went to Facebook – strange how the world has changed. And I find it even odder how the social world lives even when you’re not breathing. Condolences, photos, thoughts of hope, sympathy… it was a little too much for me to bare at the moment. I shut it down. Asked my friend if she wanted support and left it at that. I feel weird, but I can’t seem to find the emotions or explanation.

As the years pass, the tables turn. My grandmother at 85 is doing fairly well. More of her friends have passed than are living. While living a long life to see your descendants grow is something for which I hope. I always wonder if there's an interesting dichotomy there with watching all your friends pass. It always seems so sad when someone passes old and yet much sadder when someone is young.

Rest in Peace, Ronnie.

Catch up

Husband... say it aloud, hus-band. Life has been a whirlwind over the last month. I married my b-school sweetheart just over 3 weeks ago. Since the wedding on August 25th, we honeymooned in the Baltics - 5 cities visited in all. I spent a week in Chicago wrapping up at my previous, yes previous, job. Finally, on Monday, I started a new job! Not only am I now wearing two rings, but I've also found myself using the H-word a little more. At first, it felt VERY weird. It still feels weird now, but the shock is slowly subsiding.

At times I wonder what I'm going to do with all the free time that is no longer devoted to wedding planning. I've already decided that Junior League will get a portion of my free time as it's received nothing since I left Chicago. In addition, I decided to put in another transfer from JLSF to JL-PA-MP (Palo Alto-Mid Peninsula) due to the location of my new job. Going up the street sounded much better than attempting to make meetings that are generally an hour away without traffic and start at 6p.

The new job has some similarities to the old job, I think. For now, it's been one access nightmare after another, which doesn't differ at all from my previous company. I've moved up the Fortune 500 ladder to sub-50 from sub-100. All that means is both companies are equally sized behemoths with bureaucracy and hoops cemented in the organizations' bones. That said, I was previously at a sales office, where I now work at a subsidiary of corporate. I haven't figured out if there is much difference yet, but will report back soon. In either case, I'm still in a finance support role where my main customer is sales. I'm looking forward to learning new systems, terminology and products. While I'm still in healthcare, this is definitely an extent towards helping the patient. Maybe I won't get that funny look when I tell people what I do. It's the look when someone says they work in health insurance and you can't figure out if you should yell at them because of something your insurance company did/did not do or if you should politely leave the conversation because now your opinion of them has changed.

And perhaps I'll blog more, though no promises.

Amazing

In a magical blur, it's all over. A year of planning, months of fussing with the details, and a last week of stress, all for one day. The day I became Mrs. We ran late in the morning, we had to cut a photo stop out and at the end of the day, it was absolutely perfect. I stood by my husband, listening to him say his hand-written vows. I think the only nerves I felt was actually adrenaline running through my body. He is the one. 

The reception was breathtaking. I have the best vendors in the business, hands down. The food was excellent. The dancing lasted all the night. It was simply amazing. 

Now, I can't wait to relax.  

Countdown

Less than two weeks!! Where has the last year gone? The details are slowly being resolved. Guestbook arrived from Australia today. The last of bridesmaids and groomsmen gifts have been selected. The seating assignments are relatively in order. Tables need to be assigned, but that has to be the easy part. The list is shrinking, yet I feel like I'm forgetting something.

I started writing something to the bridesmaids about their gifts. It made me think for a second. August 25th, the first and last day of a chapter. Future decisions will now affect two instead of one. I won't have a spot to go that is just mine. It is all ours. And somehow, I'm not scared. I hope I can be everything that he needs and thinks that I am. I ponder what words to write in my vows. I've started multiple times and always end up thinking about how lucky I am and all that he does for me. I know I reciprocate. Though I'm often in awe as to how everything came to be. Perhaps that's the best part.

I had a plan 4 years ago when I decided to to move across the country to attend Darden. I can't say nothing worked out as planned, though not much did for sure. I'm not an investment banker giving my life to Wall Street. I don't bring in the same income as them either. However, I do have my work-life balance, even if life is currently consumed by wedding planning. I had plans to date no one. Suppose that lasted about a month. And in the end, I met my match. He balances me. He challenges me. He makes my heart swoon  and my knees buckle. He is my other half.

Wedding countdown in full swing...

Etsy

It amazes me how creative people are. I have a new found admiration for Etsy.com. Given that I've done all my wedding planning without a wedding planner, unique ideas are only so prominent. Etsy has some great must haves from photo booth additions to custom engraved guestbooks. The site has helped me knock out some finishing touches for the big day, which is much appreciated as I currently feel like I have two jobs.

The wedding planning is moving. We're only a couple weeks out and everyday seems to be a new task. In addition, I feel like whenever something is "complete",  I receive a note saying a new decision needs to be made. I'm about to shutdown on the decision front. Here's hoping that the next couple weeks fly!!

As one of my bridesmaids told me, things will go wrong. It's not if, but when. Remember at the end of the day, you're marrying your best friend and that's what matters. Back to planning...